Courage to Deal with Backstabbers
Has this happened to you? It’s happened to me. It’s funny how some people are nice in front of you but talk about sh*tty and nasty things behind your back. They love to makeup stories or exaggerate them to pull someone down. Some of them are overly friendly and will feed you with flattery for no apparent reason. They are fond of wearing masks and can make a show about being friends with you but indulge in horrible gossip about you.
One thing I have learned about dealing with these backstabbers is that they are only truly powerful when you got your back turned. It isn’t easy to deal with them and I have to admit that there are times when everything they said can really get on my nerves. However, I realised that there is no reason to let them have power of me.
Allow me to share some awesome ways on how to deal with backstabbers.
1. Stay Kind and Calm.
No matter how angry I am hearing all those misleading stories, I make sure to keep myself calm before I make an action. An angry person will only commit irate actions and might say things he or she will regret in the end. So, inhale, exhale with kindness and take an hour to digest the information. Once you feel calm enough, proceed to the next step.
2. Keep Yourself From Retaliating as this will backfire!
Well, this has been one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made when dealing with backstabbers. I just can’t help myself from fighting back at them as I am about courage. However, this is not the right thing to do at times and you need to be careful of your timing and place. If you don’t want to step into their levels, better keep quiet and just laugh at whatever lies they are spreading about you especially if it is online. Or think about how you will have the courageous conversation.
3. Assess The Situation Carefully and Breath.
Take time to assess the situation first before you react to the issue. Find out whether the story is true or exaggerated.
4. Don’t Underestimate The Power Of A Backstabber.
Never ignore the behaviour of a backstabber or offend the person more, because you don’t know what they can do once you push them to their limits. So, tread carefully and always practice your inner kindness.
5. Presently Listen To The Other Person’s Story.
It’s not always right to keep your side only and make assumptions! There are times when you mistook the situation or it is more complicated than you thought. The best way you can do this is to allow them to tell their side of the story without interrupting or getting mad at them. Perhaps, they did not really do the backstabbing intentionally, so you have to hear them out with kindness.
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6. Calmly and Courageously Confront The Backstabber.
Some people might say it’s better to go straight to the source and confront the backstabber rather than to stay quiet. This is quite true since you don’t have to backstab a backstabber because if you do that, you will not be different from that person. So, try to confront your backstabber but do it calmly and courageously with the goal of solving the problem or issue. Remember courage and kindness goes along way and keep your ego out of the conversation.
7. Choose Your Words Wisely.
It’s normal to get angry by your backstabber, but you better choose your words wisely when you talk to them – and love silence. Backstabbers are just waiting for the opportunity that will give them the reason to use against you.
8. Prove Them Wrong Through Action.
Correct those rumours and false perceptions through concrete actions. Remember the saying “actions speak louder than words” So, whatever gossips or false claims your backstabbing friends are inventing, show them the truth to prove them wrong. It will make everyone around you realise that those things being accused of you are all false.
9. Drop Them Out Of Your Life And Let Them Go.
Just let them go. Only have people in your rowboat who truly want to row the boat with you and lift you up! You don’t need to have a relationship with people who will pull you down, so you better cut them off. Just accept the fact that there are people who are not meant to be your friends. You are the product too if who you let into your life. Remember the saying that “bad company corrupts good character”. So if you want to keep your good character, keep away from fake friends and stick to the real ones.
10. Learn From The Experience.
I always believe that there is something to learn from every situation. Being a “victim” or even a courageous triumpher of backstabbers will help you learn more about these people, their behaviours and also about yourself. Recognising these things will also help you grow more.
People often have to deal with backstabbers everywhere. If you want to know how to catch a backstabber, here’s a clue. They want to gain something for themselves and gain power over you. You might have friends who smile at you but behind your back, they attack you. You also have to be very careful about who you hang out with because you don’t know who is real and who is not. They love to stir up conflict and enjoy seeing people going to each other’s throats. They always deny their role in spreading lies and are skilful at making you feel like the guilty party.
When dealing with backstabbing friends, it is important to maintain a positive sense of self, stay kind to yourself always and never reflect on what they are doing towards you. Nobody wants to be the unwitting target of someone’s aggressive actions. However, there are also positive things you’ll learn from it. Soon, you’ll learn to keep away from over-friendly people, empathise with gossipers, and realise that going behind someone’s back can make matters worse.
You don’t have to worry about those people who talk behind your back and spread rumours, because they are behind for a reason. It might be a bit challenging but as time goes by, you’ll learn how to overcome them. All it takes is kind and courageous leadership.