The Narcissist at Work

Have you ever worked with a Narcissist? I have (I think I have even dated a few!) We all have…How do you know the types, what are the signs and how to work and lead a Narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.

Types of Narcissism

There are two types of narcissism that narcissistic behaviour can fall under. The two types can have common traits but come from different childhood experiences. The two types also dictate the different ways people will behave in relationships.

Grandiose Narcissism

People with this behaviour were most likely treated as superior or above others during childhood. These expectations can follow them as they become adults. They tend to brag and be elitist.

Those with grandiose narcissism are aggressive and dominant and exaggerate their importance. They are very self-confident and aren’t sensitive.

Vulnerable Narcissism

This behaviour is usually the result of childhood neglect or abuse. People with this behaviour are much more sensitive. Narcissistic behaviour helps to protect them against feeling inadequate. Even though they go between feeling inferior and superior to others, they feel offended or anxious when others don’t treat them as if they’re special.

What are the Signs of a Narcissist at Work?

Signs of narcissistic behaviour in the workplace can manifest in various ways. Here are some common signs to watch out for:

1. Grandiosity: A narcissist may exhibit an exaggerated sense of self-importance and superiority. They may boast about their achievements, skills, or talents and expect special treatment or recognition from others.
2. Attention-Seeking: Narcissists often crave attention and admiration from others. They may constantly seek validation, praise, or recognition for their contributions and become upset or resentful if ignored or overlooked.
3. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists typically have difficulty empathising with others and understanding their perspectives or feelings. They may show little concern for the well-being or needs of their colleagues and may be insensitive or dismissive towards others’ emotions.
4. Manipulative Behaviour: Narcissists may use manipulation tactics to achieve their goals or maintain control in the workplace. This can include exploiting others, playing mind games, or gaslighting to distort reality and undermine others’ confidence. I genuinely dislike Gaslighting, and this has happened to me before!
5. Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists often believe they are entitled to special treatment or privileges due to their perceived superiority or accomplishments. They may expect preferential treatment from colleagues or management and become resentful or hostile if they feel their entitlements are unmet.
6. Difficulty Accepting Criticism: Narcissists have fragile egos and may react defensively or aggressively to criticism or feedback. They may become defensive, deny responsibility for their actions, or shift blame onto others to protect their self-image.
7. Lack of Accountability: Narcissists may have a pattern of avoiding responsibility for their mistakes or failures. They may deflect blame onto others, make excuses, or minimize their role in any adverse outcomes.
8. Exploitative Behavior: Narcissists may exploit or manipulate others for their gain, whether it’s taking credit for others’ work, using colleagues as scapegoats, or manipulating situations to serve their interests.
9. Difficulty with Authority: Narcissists may have a contentious relationship with authority figures, such as supervisors or managers. They may resist following instructions or rules, challenge authority, or attempt to undermine those in positions of power.
10. Interpersonal Problems: Narcissistic behaviour can lead to strained relationships and conflicts with colleagues. They may struggle to collaborate effectively, engage in power struggles, or exhibit controlling or domineering behaviour in group settings.

It’s important to note that not everyone who displays some of these traits is necessarily a narcissist, as these behaviours can exist on a spectrum. However, if you notice a pattern of these behaviours in a colleague, it may be indicative of narcissistic tendencies that could impact workplace dynamics.

How to Lead a Narcissist

Leading a narcissist can be quite challenging due to their tendency to prioritise their own needs and desires above others. However, here are some strategies that might help:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Establish boundaries and communicate them. Narcissists may test limits, so it’s essential to be firm and consistent in enforcing them.
2. Focus on Facts and Logic: When presenting ideas or decisions, focus on facts and logic rather than emotions or personal opinions. This can help minimize conflicts and reduce the likelihood of the narcissist feeling threatened.
3. Provide Positive Reinforcement: Narcissists often respond well to praise and recognition. Offer positive feedback when they demonstrate desirable behaviours or accomplishments.
4. Avoid Power Struggles: Narcissists may be resistant to authority or attempts to control them. Instead of engaging in power struggles, try to collaborate and find common ground whenever possible.
5. Maintain a Calm and Assertive Demeanor: Stay calm and composed, even in the face of provocations or manipulative behaviour. Assert your position firmly but respectfully.
6. Encourage Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Help the narcissist understand the perspectives and feelings of others. Encourage empathy by asking how they would feel in someone else’s shoes.
7. Seek Professional Support if Necessary: If the narcissist’s behaviour becomes too challenging to handle on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or coach who has experience dealing with personality disorders.

Remember that leading a narcissist requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt your approach as needed. It’s also essential to prioritise your well-being and set boundaries to protect yourself from any adverse effects of your behaviour.

How to Work with a Narcissist

Working with a narcissist can be REALLY sh*t as well as challenging, but there are strategies you can employ to navigate the situation more effectively:

1. Understand Their Motivations: Narcissists are often driven by a need for validation, admiration, and control. Understanding their underlying motivations can help you anticipate their behaviour and tailor your approach accordingly.
2. Maintain Professionalism: Keep interactions with the narcissist focused on work-related matters and maintain a professional demeanour. Avoid getting drawn into personal conflicts or power struggles.
3. Set Clear Expectations: Clearly outline expectations, deadlines, and responsibilities to minimize misunderstandings and prevent the narcissist from shifting blame onto others.
4. Document Everything: Keep detailed records of your interactions, decisions, and agreements with the narcissist. This can protect against disputes or manipulation.
5. Communicate Effectively: Be direct, concise, and assertive when communicating with the narcissist. Stick to the facts and avoid emotional appeals or confrontations.
6. Establish Boundaries: Set boundaries to protect yourself from manipulation or exploitation. Be firm in enforcing these boundaries, even if the narcissist tries to push back.
7. Focus on Solutions: When problems arise, find practical solutions rather than dwelling on blame or criticism. Keep the conversation centred on how to move forward constructively.
8. Build Alliances: Cultivate positive relationships with colleagues or stakeholders who can provide support or perspective when dealing with the narcissist.
9. Practice Self-Care: Working with a narcissist can be emotionally draining, so prioritise self-care and seek support from friends, family, or a coach if needed. Breathe and remember not to take their behaviour personally.
10. Know When to Seek Help: If the situation becomes unmanageable or negatively impacts your well-being, consider seeking assistance from HR, a supervisor, or a professional mediator.

Remember that while you can’t change the narcissist’s behaviour, you can control how you respond to it. Focus on managing your reactions and maintaining your professionalism in the workplace. Remember to use it for learning and growth and stay strong as a leader!

Finally, I would get my head around the new Psychosocial hazards and legislation…

By Sonia McDonald – CEO of LeadershipHQ and Outstanding Leadership Awards, Leadership Coach and Global Keynote Speaker

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